I’m at the emergency room
Unable to sleep at night
There are three empty beds in front of me
It’s February 18, 2022
Tag: anxiety
I’m tired of speech
I’m tired of speech
Of tragic conversations,
Of hastily bitter debates.
I’m tired of forced rituals
Of dogmatic preference
Cloaked in rebukes and judgement
I’m tired of planned togetherness
Of constant compromise
And submission to imperfect authority
I’m tired
Of routines dictated by uneven sacrifice
The only change is Greek to me
Wounded fighters in stolen armor
Battles sooner lost than won.
I’m tired.
Wax Remnants
Small indulgences
Bursting into nothing
Wispy wafts of fragrant artifice
Splattering flames
Submerged in self-drowning waste
Constant flickers
Of the wagging tongue
Hot and silent
Aromatherapy
Fulfilling variants
Of diminishing sensations
Cheap meditation of
Broken seals
This little light of mine
I feed to keep alive
Let’s Play a Game
Let’s play a game
Where I can understand
The things you do
The words you say
Let’s play a game
Where you won’t feel bad
About the score
Or the prizes you can’t have
Let’s play a game
We would both enjoy
Something to share with others
When we grow bored
Let’s play a game
Never been done before
Something to call our own
That no one else will know
Let’s play a game
Don’t be scared
I’ve got your back
You know that I care
I’m not going anywhere
Let’s play a game
You just name the place
And I’ll be there
Anytime, anywhere
Let’s play a game
And be with me for one more day
It’s all fun and games
when we play
The Green Cloak
If I am envious of one thing,
It is the air of contentment some people have
Ensnaring the eye
Like a stupendous forested cloak
that hides them from worrisome malice
I wish to steal it
for myself
To bask in its warm gladness
Untattered illusion
Undrawn shimmering curtain
Fabric of soothing matters
Lay me down in a beautiful lie
A bed of roses among twisted thorns
For that cloak un-mourned
I’ll be wrapped in scorn-free contentment
I’ll be away from home
That cloak as green as envy
Thick and rich like siren song
It is an air more rapturous than breathing
For the imposter in need of masking,
and the child in need of hiding.
A little girl seeks understanding.
Confined
The last nail on the coffin.
Disaster has struck.
A plea never uttered.
The door slammed shut.
The stars have no fire.
If only I could look up.
Tortured by Shared Destiny.
What a Hero I turned out to be.
Confined and Forgotten,
Nothing to look forward to,
Nothing but broken records of seclusion,
Nothing but promises unkept.
I am trapped.
Confined to myself.
Lying to myself.
Pathology of un-escaping,
Fearful phases,
Waxing and waning.
Should they listen
My problems seem so petty
They make me spoiled and weak
Maybe that’s depression that’s talking
Or maybe it’s something else
I feel bad for telling my parents
I feel bad for telling my therapist
All that wasted money
because I can’t handle reality
I’m scared to confide in others
Scared they’ll tell confide it to someone else
I don’t want to be an object of pity
I hardly have it for myself
I want to be done with my trauma
Cut the tears, cut the drama
I want to be happy with my future
To cope as best as I can
A Guilty Production
My mother asks,
what did you do today?
Nothing or not enough,
I brace for impact
No work, no pay
Makes me a lazy girl.
I work but don’t exercise
Exercise but bad diet
Incomplete and obese
Big brained but disappointing bod
I’m anxious about the sun
Of time ticking by
I’m too young to be any good
Too busy with wasting time
I want to be a producer
Just like that broadway play
Crafting stories not excuses
To be passionate and gay
I want a vocation, a calling
A career with adequate pay
I want to be complete
At least that what my mother would say
I Wish I Didn’t Procrastinate
I wish I didn’t procrastinate
That I could do what I am supposed to do.
I wish I did things on time,
Schedules don’t always work for me
Happiness is not the same as pleasure,
and yet always I seek the latter.
Responsibility is a part of growing up
Being responsible however is still optional.
To finish what I started
Or to not start at all?
Challenges lie before me
Hardships and trials around the bend
Should I give up?
No longer seeing it through or doing my best.
Great would be the day, when I stop procrastinating
Excellence, achieved through grit and perseverance.
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