Tag: anxiety

I’m tired of speech

I’m tired of speech

Of tragic conversations,

Of hastily bitter debates.

I’m tired of forced rituals

Of dogmatic preference

Cloaked in rebukes and judgement

I’m tired of planned togetherness

Of constant compromise

And submission to imperfect authority

I’m tired

Of routines dictated by uneven sacrifice

The only change is Greek to me

Wounded fighters in stolen armor

Battles sooner lost than won.

I’m tired.

Wax Remnants

Small indulgences

Bursting into nothing

Wispy wafts of fragrant artifice

Splattering flames

Submerged in self-drowning waste

Constant flickers

Of the wagging tongue

Hot and silent

Aromatherapy

Fulfilling variants

Of diminishing sensations

Cheap meditation of

Broken seals

This little light of mine

I feed to keep alive

Let’s Play a Game

Let’s play a game

Where I can understand

The things you do

The words you say

Let’s play a game

Where you won’t feel bad

About the score 

Or the prizes you can’t have

Let’s play a game

We would both enjoy 

Something to share with others

When we grow bored

Let’s play a game 

Never been done before

Something to call our own

That no one else will know

Let’s play a game

Don’t be scared

I’ve got your back

You know that I care

I’m not going anywhere

Let’s play a game

You just name the place

And I’ll be there

Anytime, anywhere

Let’s play a game 

And be with me for one more day

It’s all fun and games

when we play

The Green Cloak

If I am envious of one thing,

It is the air of contentment some people have

Ensnaring the eye

Like a stupendous forested cloak

that hides them from worrisome malice

I wish to steal it

for myself

To bask in its warm gladness

Untattered illusion

Undrawn shimmering curtain

Fabric of soothing matters

Lay me down in a beautiful lie

A bed of roses among twisted thorns

For that cloak un-mourned

I’ll be wrapped in scorn-free contentment

I’ll be away from home

That cloak as green as envy

Thick and rich like siren song

It is an air more rapturous than breathing

For the imposter in need of masking,

and the child in need of hiding.

A little girl seeks understanding.

Confined

The last nail on the coffin.

Disaster has struck.

A plea never uttered.

The door slammed shut.

The stars have no fire.

If only I could look up.

Tortured by Shared Destiny.

What a Hero I turned out to be.

Confined and Forgotten,

Nothing to look forward to,

Nothing but broken records of seclusion,

Nothing but promises unkept.

I am trapped.

Confined to myself.

Lying to myself.

Pathology of un-escaping,

Fearful phases,

Waxing and waning.

Should they listen

My problems seem so petty

They make me spoiled and weak

Maybe that’s depression that’s talking

Or maybe it’s something else

I feel bad for telling my parents

I feel bad for telling my therapist

All that wasted money

because I can’t handle reality

I’m scared to confide in others

Scared they’ll tell confide it to someone else

I don’t want to be an object of pity

I hardly have it for myself

I want to be done with my trauma

Cut the tears, cut the drama

I want to be happy with my future

To cope as best as I can

A Guilty Production

My mother asks,

what did you do today?

Nothing or not enough,

I brace for impact

No work, no pay

Makes me a lazy girl.

I work but don’t exercise

Exercise but bad diet

Incomplete and obese

Big brained but disappointing bod

I’m anxious about the sun

Of time ticking by

I’m too young to be any good

Too busy with wasting time

I want to be a producer

Just like that broadway play

Crafting stories not excuses

To be passionate and gay

I want a vocation, a calling

A career with adequate pay

I want to be complete

At least that what my mother would say

I Wish I Didn’t Procrastinate

I wish I didn’t procrastinate

That I could do what I am supposed to do.

I wish I did things on time,

Schedules don’t always work for me

Happiness is not the same as pleasure,

and yet always I seek the latter.

Responsibility is a part of growing up

Being responsible however is still optional.

To finish what I started

Or to not start at all?

Challenges lie before me

Hardships and trials around the bend

Should I give up?

No longer seeing it through or doing my best.

Great would be the day, when I stop procrastinating

Excellence, achieved through grit and perseverance.